Today I took The Princess and my friend Rosencrantz to a local eatery for meat. After lunch, and a much needed break from our labors, I decided that a short country drive would ease our hearts and calm our minds before we had to return to work. The radio played a fantastical, sprightly tune and I thought it would please The Princess if I spoke a very loud and animated narration, as if I were an old wise man telling a tall tale to children from a stage. "It was on this very day many years ago," I said in character, "that a tremendous storm ravaged the village with floods and monstrous winds!" With the frolicking classical music in the background, Roosevelt seemed quite pleased and he laughed heartily. "You sound like a book on tape," he said. Rosencrantz laughed, but The Princess did not.
When we got back to work, before we got out, The Princess said to me: "May I break something in your car?" I hesitated to respond. "It won't be anything of importance," she continued. I didn't know what to say. "You better say yes," The Princess said, "or I'll break something anyway, so you might as well say yes."
What choice was there? "Alright," I said and then she quickly yanked the pencil out from behind my ear, the beloved tool of my trade, and she snapped it into pieces. She was so very pleased, like one is after sex or an amazing dessert. For The Princess, to smash and break things is to experience the thrill of a brief, yet complete satisfaction.
Walking back into our workplace, The Princess remembered the time last Winter when she picked up a snowball and hurled it with great force into my head, forcing an avalanche of snow into the depths of my inner ear. "My ear!" I screamed. "It's in my ear!"
The Princess laughed as she remembered the story with a great sense of pride and accomplishment. But now it was Summer and there was no snow for her to throw at my head. She huffed and said, "you're just lucky there isn't a rock lying around."
We entered our building and stood at the elevator where a beautiful woman emerged and said hello to The Princess. They were friends! For years I had my eye on this woman and longed to introduce myself, but could find no natural way to present myself without being obvious. If she and The Princess were friends then I was in luck! Later I asked The Princess: What was her name? Did she have a boyfriend?
The Princess said, "Her name is Sofia, and yes she has a boyfriend."
"But I don' t think she has a boyfriend," I said. "I've seen her for ages walking around with the same man, but for months now they have not walked together, which leads me to believe she does not have a boyfriend. Being friends, can't you find out if this is true?"
"No," The Princess said. My heart sank.
Later I asked The Princess, "Didn't you think it was funny when I spoke in such an animated way over the classical music?"
"Oh?" she said. "In the car? I wasn't paying attention to you."
"Why are you so difficult?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" she replied.
"First you outright ignore my attempts to entertain you with my animated performance of a voice over narration, and then you promptly ask if you can break something in my car. When I do not respond you tell me that I better say 'yes' because if I say 'no' you will break something anyway. Even though you are good friends with a girl that I've had my eye on for quite sometime, you refuse to help me gain general knowledge of her relationship status, But some how you find the notion to tell me that I'm 'lucky' there isn't a rock around! Meaning if there were you would hurl it at my face!"
The Princess Smiled. . .
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